i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
