They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
