also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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