Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
