when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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