My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
