Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
