Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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