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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're like the curious george of whores
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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