Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if only i could text you this smell
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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