I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
