Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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