just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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