Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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