i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude. I can hear the air.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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