So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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