Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize