I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize