he wants to bone in the snuggie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
