real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
