Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
