Please, let me fuck your mom
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
