dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
