Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
