Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
