My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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