I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
