NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
