Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
