i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
