when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
