just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
