see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
