So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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