Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
