Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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