Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
