never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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