he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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