and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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