So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We left an ass print on the piano.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Terrible idea I love it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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