We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
