Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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