Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am midnight drunk by noon
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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