found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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