i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
