You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
