Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
