I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
