I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
