I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
