Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
