Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
