So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
