Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
