tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
