I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
