You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
