I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
