My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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