airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
