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What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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