Barsexuality is the new black.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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