I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
