Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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