Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize