Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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