My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
