On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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