Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
