I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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