did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my poor anus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
