Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
