He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
