now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
