I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
