You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
