Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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