hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
