I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
