Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
