sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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