you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize