Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
