You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
