I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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