the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
