I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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